I may be alone this New Year. And I may have nowhere to go. But, damnit, I’m bringing it in my way. Terrible pic…but I don’t care. I feel fancy and that’s all that matters. And here’s a tidbit…I bought this dress at TJ Maxx over a year ago for about $10. But hey, if you know me, that’s a big deal.
I created these several years back when a neighbor who worked at an auto body shop donated some sample cans to the cause. I had some canvas rolls in storage that I got at a garage sale and I just knew the two of them would go so well together. I’ve since given away all of these and more…and the paint is gone…but at least I still have the pictures. The only bad thing was the fumes. You can only work with car paint indoors for so long without having to stop 😉
Enjoy! Love, Lola
So what am I supposed to do now?
Warning: This post may be slightly disjointed. However, I just need to spew out the words while I still have them. A very good friend said it’s best to get the verbal vomit over with so I can begin to move on. Thanks! (you know who you are)
It’s hardly a secret among those who know me. I do not actively participate in the outside world these days. I stay locked up in my home and sequestered away from everything. I have my groceries and pretty much everything else delivered to me. The last time I left the property was this last summer. My kids were here so they kidnapped me for a boating excursion at the lake. Luckily there was no one out that day and we had all 23 miles of waterways to ourselves. I can handle outside if I’m with people I love who I know will back me up in a pinch.
I have been this way for at least 7-8 years. Before that, you couldn’t keep me at home. I couldn’t sit still. I would rush through my work and couldn’t wait to get out and go camping, kayaking, drinking with my lowlife friends at the local dive bar, disc golf, parties, you name it. If something was going on, I was there.
At some point during this time, something changed. Like a lightning strike. I went to bed as Gayle one night and woke up a scared little rabbit named Lola the next morning. I stopped driving. I stopped going out. I stopped all communication with just about everyone. I stopped everything…except for my work. I dug my heels in and demanded more of myself at work. I made sure that every ounce of my time and every fiber of my being were dedicated to work. Wake up, work, eat dinner, sleep. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Was this what drove me to my current mental state and way of life? Was it a lurking mental illness waiting to be freed? Was it a desire to create perfection in my work? Was it fear of the unknown? Laziness? I wish I knew. I don’t have a definite diagnosis since I’m also repelled by doctors and the entire medical profession.
That being said, since I’ve been laid off, I now have to decide how to proceed with my plan for 2015. 2014 was a real beast. 2013 was no better either. My work has always been hit or miss based on the fact that the internet and its fickle tastes have dictated what, when and how I shall proceed.
Now that I have no boss, no routine and no schedule, I know I need to make money. I know I need to fill my time with meaningful tasks. I know I have bills to pay that were previously supported by my work. I know I must move forward. I love art and being creative, but how do I make a living out of that without competing with people who are so much better than me.
It’s a wolf’s world in the art business. I’m not a wolf. I’m a “head down do the work” kind of gal. I’m so scared about the future. But I’m also interested in what will come of it. I guess for starters I should get a job flipping burgers or something to keep the lights on.
I’m scared. But the only way forward is…well…forward. Right?
I hope that whatever holiday you are celebrating right now is filled with happiness, joy, blessings, family and much love. As for me, the cooking has commenced. Here’s a tiny morsel to wet your whistle.
Deviled Eggs a la Lola. All you need is perfectly boiled eggs, Miracle Whip, sweet pickle relish. Mustard, ketchup, salt and pepper (sparingly). Sprinkle with paprika and let chill for an hour or two. I like to take the whites of a spare egg, chop them up teensy tiny, and then mix into the filling. Makes it go a long way…and gives the cook something to sample while preparing. The cook ALWAYS needs to sample, right?