Dead in the Water…A Letter to the World


I just paid April’s rent. And most of my bills have been paid for this month, thanks to The Man. However, I don’t think I can maintain my lifestyle after this. No job. Down to my last $300-$400…and no hope in sight.

I’m owed $40,000 by one company, and $12,000 by another. I’ll never see it. EVER. I think I’ve almost come to terms with that. ALMOST.

I will most likely disconnect my cable and internet on Monday, but (for now) I still have my cellphone hotspot. Well, for as long as that lasts. It will certainly mean less time on the computer, which I guess I’ll have to find a way to put it in the positive category. Although at this moment, through my tears, I can’t even begin to imagine that EVER happening. Where is there a positive in this?

I’m afraid. Very afraid. I’m sad. Very sad. Defeated? Yeah…probably. But here I am.

I’ll keep doing what I can, but that’s no reassurance to me right now.

At least I have food to eat for now, and a roof over my head through the end of April. After that, who knows.

I may be defeated, but I may not be ready to admit it entirely just yet. I’ll keep trying to post positive and interesting things as long as I can. I refuse to believe this is the end for me.

Love, Lola


2 thoughts on “Dead in the Water…A Letter to the World

  1. When I lost my SSI in November I cut my net off and cell phone too. It was a terrifying experience going into major depression without a connection to my friends away from “home” but I somehow managed. I’m sending tons of good vibes your way so that amazing things happen sooner than later.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My dear sweet friend, I am sending so much of all the things to you (except the one thing you need $$s). I so wish people were not such a-holes. Is there any way to sue for the money owed you? I’m sure you’ve already gone through all your options… it’s just way craycray to think someone would disrespect you like this. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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