Hormones, depression, or the beginning of the end?

Rambling post about depression and money. Don’t read it unless you can take it. I just need to get it out.

OK, today depression has hit full force. I don’t know if it’s hormones, or fear, or what. What I do know is that I have just enough money to pay rent June’s rent, but nothing else.

I still can’t find anyone who will give me a paying gig that will cover anything past that. Guess I’m not as talented as I thought. Editor and graphics designer for over 15 years. Doesn’t matter if you can’t actually go outside and work at a normal job.

Government assistance? Yeah right. I owe so much in back taxes; they would laugh me out of their office in 2 seconds.

I live in what is most likely the cheapest rental in my town thanks to my wonderful landlords. They only want the mortgage paid. I love them with all my heart, but I refuse to let them carry me. And I refuse to stress them out over getting that bill paid. They’re the nicest people I know. Wonderful family. And I still haven’t told them I lost my job…and that was in December. When I moved in a year and a half ago, I was able to pay 2 months’ rent in advance. Now I’m freaking out because it’s only the 9th and I still haven’t paid June’s rent.

Crying. Banging my fists against the wall. (Not my head because that would really hurt and not be productive in any way.) Guess this will be how my weekend and following week goes. Here’s to hoping it’s just hormones and not the real depression deal. That’s the last thing I need.

I just can’t lose this house. And I certainly can’t move in with my folks at this age. One room, 5 cats, 1 asshole dog, and The Man. That just wouldn’t do, although the property they live on is AWESOME. Just no room for my entire posse. I wish The Man had a better paying job. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about it. Don’t get me wrong, he makes pretty decent money and they love him at work. And he loves his job….except for watermelon and pumpkin season. As big as he is, tossing those things really can do a number on his back.

Damnit I hate doing these pissy, whiney “woe is me” posts! I’m so sorry! Suppose I should just keep it all in and never speak of it. Just keep posting the wild and crazy fun stuff.

Hush, Lola. Hush!

So here’s a joke instead.

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9 thoughts on “Hormones, depression, or the beginning of the end?

  1. No shush. Writing it out is good for you and we are here to listen! ^^

    Sorry to hear about all this. It seems like it is getting harder to find freelance work that actually covers your bills and let’s you work from home. 😦 I’ll be lighting some candles for you tonight. Hang in there!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. It’s terribly difficult to find a good one, that’s for sure. I just feel like I’m so inarticulate about discussing all this. Therefore I guess just spitting it all out is the only way I can do it. Keep wishing it was only hormones. Let’s hope so! It’s the weekend damnit! Weekends should be for fun, right?

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Weekends tend to be the worst for me for some odd reason. Like all the thoughts just explode on weekends. Worries included. I don’t know how into photography you are but there’s an app called Snapwire where you can sell photos. You can also enter contests for money. Say an agency needs photos of a garden. You submit your shots and they select one for their campaign and you get paid. It’s gotten me some pocket change before.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. My sweet, the hormones certainly don’t help an already stressful situation. And don’t ever worry about unloading, especially on your own blog. You know that “getting it out” does help, even if it doesn’t pay the rent. Remember to take those deep breaths and know it will get better. So much ❤

    Liked by 2 people

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