An alien floats into an art studio…

So…I turned 49 this week and my bones tell me I certainly haven’t aged as well as I had hoped. But you know what? Meh. It was just another day…until an alien showed up on my doorstep.

Seriously. I’m not feeding you a line of bullshit.

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For some reason, the delivery person didn’t even THINK about fucking knocking, despite the fact I always leave everything (including curtains and windows 2 feet from the friggin door) wide the fuck open when the weather is good.

Maybe I was taking a piss. Who knows.

Well, The Man comes home from work and asks me why there’s a box on the porch. I’m like, “Well shit. I don’t know.”

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My standard answer for just about everything I don’t know the answer to.

So, despite the fact that HE was empty-handed and all, I was ushered out to the porch to find a HUGE box from Amazon addressed to “MOMMY.”

Awww damn! Hits you right in the feels, doesn’t it?

Picked it up and it weighed nothing. So you can imagine what I was thinking…

Um…yeah…I just got a big box of air for my birthday.

Brought it in and this alien was in there, all wrapped in that signature Amazon bubbly shit. The kind where the bubbles are about the size of a large smartphone and it takes scissors to pop those bitches.

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My kids. Oh my kids. They are my soulmates. They know EXACTLY where my head is, literally.

So, yeah, this will be the next in my ongoing Head series. Hint: There may be feathers involved. But I have to finish the first three for their road trip to a Red Hat Lady convention in April. Soooo close!

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She’s awesome and her “scars” and crazy cranium have already won my heart. And her neck! If she could drink coffee, it would be cold before it got all the way down.

Eeeeeeeeee! I love my baby girls!

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4 thoughts on “An alien floats into an art studio…

      1. I have to write an article this week about how bread causes lung cancer. I’m going to take a severely snarky tone with it. I’m actually thinking about using your “fatty police” phrase. Genius! Brilliant!

        Like

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