When everything falls apart…

madness

You know how you can get so buried in your everyday life, like the routine has you so hypnotized you can’t see a fly ball to left field coming right at your forehead? You try to duck in that moment, but it’s too late. BAM! Beaner…right to the temple.

Ooooh…that’s going to leave a mark!

Yeah, I caught another beaner to the head today — at least my third in so many years.

You think I would have learned to fucking duck by now.

STEAM Register isn’t doing as good as we hoped it would, despite my best efforts…and those of my poor, beleaguered compatriot. It’s not like we ever asked people to spend any money or purchase anything. We just needed eyeballs.

Literally…JUST FUCKING EYEBALLS.

Oh well. Rent will not be paid for May. Well, at least most of it. The Man has already been paying most of the household bills and buying food, but there’s no way he can pay all the rent. I suppose that means I will be losing my beloved rental home in short order.

I want to cry, but I just can’t bring myself to it. If I do, the panic attacks will set in. I just have to look at this as my official retirement from all things Internet, although with my agoraphobia there’s no chance of me getting another job. So, I guess it’s a full retirement into The Abyss.

Tried to make my own way. Tried and fought like a demon from hell. Guess I just didn’t have enough gumption or whatever is needed to be moderately successful.

Oh well. Oh well. Oh well. Shit happens.

Maybe I’m just not good enough to be a science writer, artist, business person. Can’t say I didn’t give it my all for the last 20-25 years.

Life goes on.

Love, Lola

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9 thoughts on “When everything falls apart…

  1. “Tried to make my own way” (success). “Tried and fought . . ” (success). “gave “it my all the last 20-25 years” (success). Maybe you have been handed the opportunity of change. (We aren’t meant to do the same thing forever – The Minimalists). Three years I lost my dream job (it was a glorious failure), but I took a risk, tried, and after grieving the loss, and another stint of unemployment, I found my way into teaching preschool. I hope you find your way! All the best to you.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks for your positive encouragement and kind words. I know I have had some successes, but sometimes it’s so hard to see past the failures. I’m doing my best. For now I will continue to fight the good fight as far as STEAM Register is concerned. It is one of my passions and I simply can’t see myself doing anything else. Now if only I could get paid as an artist, but then it wouldn’t be fun anymore.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL, why does destiny always make some of us wait so darn long? I’ll continue on with STEAM Register as long as I can. I can’t bring myself to completely give up. Just getting so sick of all the failures that really have nothing to do with me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have offered “Stuart” up for sale, but I’m afraid the high price tag turns people off. I’ll just keep him around and sell products based on his likeness 😉

        Like

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