Internet Ads Are Like Clowns And Toddlers

Imagine there’s a really tasty piece of meat on sale at your local grocery store for a really cheap price.

Like great meat at rock bottom prices.

It sounds almost too good to be true, but you’re still enticed all the same. It’s beef after all. There’s nothing that will stop you from having it.

Or is there?

So, you get in your car, drive to the store, gather your wallet or purse, and venture forth into the land of food and squeaky wheels.

However, once those two doors magically slide open and you feel that surge of cold air, you’re rudely confronted by no less than 50 clowns. There are scary clowns, freaky clowns, silly clowns, balloon animal clowns, mimes — and perhaps even a few politicians doing Howdy Doody impersonations.

That’s some freaked out shit, right?!

Now, imagine you hitched up your big girl panties (or your lumberjack boots if you’re a dude) and you actually made it through the sea of clowns.

You really want that meat. Gotta have that meat.

So, by the sheer strength of your will you’re past the clowns and almost inside the confines of the meat department.

Not so fast, carnivorous cowboy!

All of a sudden you are confronted by 100 screaming toddlers. You know, each one in that singular phase of being that is referred to as a tantrum.

LOOOOOK AT MEEEE! GIIIIVE MEEEE! NOOOWWWW!

We all hate those kids, right?

Now, ask yourself: Would you fight that sea of clowns and passel of brats for a really tasty, cheap piece of dead cow flesh — or bananas if you’re vegan?

It’s like getting through 150 levels of hell on your favorite video game. You’re either going to do it, or you’re not.

However…

Imagine yourself in the same scenario, but only this time there’s a really cool article you came across on Facebook that you really want to read.

You click that link with the highest of hopes and the most innocent of dreams.

BAM!

Those virtual doors open, you get a few seconds of cool bliss…and there are those fucking clowns are in your face. Only these aren’t your average clowns…these are advertisements. They’re all colorful and crazy, but they’re everywhere. 50…fucking…clowns.

You really want that article. Gotta have that article.

Not so fast, mental maniac!

All of a sudden you are confronted by 100 screaming toddlers in the throes of a tantrum. Only these aren’t your average tempestuous toddlers…these are advertisements. They’re all loud and annoying, but they’re everywhere. 100…fucking…screaming toddlers.

LOOOOOK AT MEEEE! GIIIIVE MEEEE! NOOOWWWW!

How much do you want the information that article has to give you? All of a sudden it becomes less important. Right?

You might wade through hell for a banana or a juicy slab of beef, but you wouldn’t wade through it to get to an article.

Thus is the dilemma I face. We’ve had to run even more ads on our site to make ends meet, and yet the more ads we run, the less people visit.

After the first click, we’ve lost. Before the site or article even loads, we’re dead to them.

Do I see a solution? No. It’s not really up to me. Will I keep writing in the hopes there are brave souls who can conquer the chaos? Yes.

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5 thoughts on “Internet Ads Are Like Clowns And Toddlers

    1. Thanks! But I fear you are in the minority. I get so many complaints now about the darn pop-up ads. And our numbers were already in the toilet before this. Now they’ve literally been flushed.

      Liked by 1 person

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